We have a thing for giving cutesy names to bad dating behavior. “There is a concept in psychology and sociology called the Abilene Paradox,” Headlee explains.
Using the term “ghosting” helps to cover up the pain of a potential significant other gone MIA and describing yourself as “breadcrumbed” feels a lot less crummy (pun intended) than admitting that the person who’s been super into your online conversations is suddenly being shady about nailing down actual plans IRL. “Essentially, it describes a situation in which people collectively take action that no one likes because they think it’s what everyone else wants and they don’t want to rock the boat.
I immediately get caught up in what it means and start imagining every possible scenario of what could come from our connection if it develops further, or how I’ll be affected if it doesn’t. I either push through the noise in my head and show my interest, or I get overwhelmed, start over-analyzing, and retreat into my introvert cocoon because it’s easier.Sometimes I do both, which I know can be confusing and unfair to the other person involved.Uloma in her confession revealed how she endured terrible things because she was desperately searching for a life partner.Despite having many suitors, she disclosed that they dumped her because of her spirit of limitations, anger and demonic measures.But sometimes I wish there was a jumpstart button I could use to contact the universe.
As I feel progressively more open to exploring the possibility of a relationship again, I’m struggling to put myself out there. Let me preface by saying I am not necessarily opposed to online dating.Looking back, it’s fair to say I’ve missed out on relationships with people who might have been good for me, because I shut them out before things could get started.It’s something I’m working on, but it’s an aspect of my personality that’s tough to overcome. In addition to being an introvert who absolutely adores her alone time, I’m also quite the hopeless romantic.This combination of attributes sets my head and heart up for some intense emotional gymnastics, especially in today’s dating world. In part because it took me some time to move on from my last relationship and in part because I feel so at odds with the dating scene. I do believe our experiences unfold as they are meant to, and people enter our lives when the timing is right.This is probably my wistful side getting carried away, but I have to give that part of myself space to dream.