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Just because someone is hot doesn’t mean I’m going to respond, either.

I asked her one question, and the response I received was pure gold. When you’ve got a bunch of emails to choose from, it’s pretty hard to select one that, in the one moment it has to advertise, offers only the word “(none)”. So, generally I’ll go back and find their original message, reread their new message, look at their profile, and decide whether to respond. I actually think it’s not a bad idea to send two emails to everyone you write, if you feel like spending that sort of time on Internet dating, and don’t mind veering dangerous close to serial killer zone.

You may think this applies only to men looking for women, or folks trying to attract someone a bit out of their league – but that isn’t so. Most captivating subject line in that assortment goes to…the guy who wrote “86”, I guess? I’ve just gone from spending 10-30 seconds on your email and probably not even looking at your profile to a few minutes thinking about you. But you gotta handle the second email just right (for suggestions, follow the link). A third email is a little too Bates Motel for Olivia’s tastes.

To elucidate her point, Olivia sent me a screengrab of her inbox. I have had some guys seriously send multiple messages with no responses.

I don’t know what they’re thinking, but clearly they can’t take a hint.

Because my landlord is really getting tired of that.

Olivia offers a good deal of advice on what a guy (or girl, for that matter) 50 other guys have asked her “how are you”, “any plans for the weekend”, “how is your week going”, so don’t be surprised when I don’t answer if that’s the ENTIRE text of your message.

so why didn't what I knew how to do work online? I began doing this the only way I knew how: through disciplined experimentation and testing.

What follows are some of the things I learned during that time about sending effective online dating messages:1. On most dating sites, your profile photo will show up shrunken next to the message. Just like you would on Twitter or Quora, pick an avatar image that's iconic and sparks curiosity.

About 50% of the emails I get are complete jokes, 25% good, 15% great, and 10% amazing.

The better the email is, the less important appearance becomes.

I’ve never responded to someone based solely on looks, though it’s difficult to say exactly what will make me decide to respond or not.