If you had a wonderful time and feel like shooting your date a casual text later that night or the next day, go for it.Just maybe don’t stalk and accidentally like their Instagram photos—or worse, their ex’s Instagram photos.Dating when you’re chronically ill is pretty much just like doing anything when you’re chronically ill: you’re usually held to the same standards as a healthy person and have the same things to worry about, plus the hundreds of other unique challenges chronic illness throws into the mix.
I feel like a burden already, just by existing as I am, because that rules out a lot of activities and things, so I kind of let people get away with not putting in effort as far as caring about how my health is as much somebody I’m dating should.Somebody dating you, once you’re comfortable enough to open up about being ill, knows to some degree what they’re getting into.It’ll only look strange if you tell them all that you’re already seated and waiting to order. If your date asks what you’d like to eat, drink, or share for dessert, don’t say “I don’t care, what do you want? Obviously, you want to look your best, but a first date isn’t the time to take those new stilettos out for a road test, or wear that dress that’s a little tight. Because first dates are anxiety-filled enough and being uncomfortable in your clothes only makes it worse.Plus, won’t it suck to not be able to walk a few blocks on a nice night because your heels are too high? There’s not much to say here without sounding like a preachy parent, but keep this in mind: Having to be carried home by someone you barely know isn’t fun (nor is slurring your words or crying at the dinner table).In any relationship, effort needs to be coming from both parties: effort in communication, caring for each other, understanding each other, planning time with each other, and so on.
But effort is especially important to people with chronic illness and is something I think I (and I suspect I’m probably not alone) have let people be kinda skimpy with in the past, especially regarding my needs that come from my illnesses.
Read on for first date advice that every girl should know.
Nobody likes a pushover, so if your date tells you he or she has planned an evening at a sushi restaurant and you don’t eat fish, or they want to hang at a cocktail lounge but you don’t drink, speak up.
If your date insists, offer to split the bill, or at least leave the tip.
However, if you offer to pay or split, be prepared to pay or split.
There’s nothing more rude than trying to have a conversation with a person who’s constantly stating at a screen.