The more you expose yourself to the anxiety of dating, the less powerful the anxiety will become. Shannon Kolakowski on Twitter (@Dr Shannon K) or Facebook ( Shannon K) and stay tuned for the answer in her weekly blogs right here!
And the more chances you give yourself to find lasting love.
No matter how cool or confident I try to play it off on the outside, on the inside (and to those who know me best) I’m an anxious mess. There’s so many things to think about when it comes to dating that it’s just hard not to worry. ” mental health therapist, Mallory Grimste, LCSW tells Bustle.
“People think way too much into first dates as if it were a trip down the aisle! This has to work out, I'm at the age where I need to settle down and have kids. So, when we slow down our breathing, we actually activate the calming system.
”Here’s a list of anxiety-causing thoughts that tend to race though a lot of our minds during those first dates, according to Ventura: Will they be attracted to me? Because of that, we're able to think and respond more clearly and rationally than if we were in a distressed state where we would need to react impulsively to survive.“Everyone has something great about them — whether they are kind, funny, friendly, knowledgable about space, a huge animal-lover, and the list goes on and on,” Grimste says.
Try to relax and enjoy the process and smile and have fun.
When we feel that pressure to connect, anxiety is the unpleasant result.”“It is far less likely for a person to have anxiety when they are present," Dr.
Think back to instances when you’ve faced your anxiety and it’s turned out well. The next way to help deal with the uncertainty of those first few dates is to reframe your anxiety.
Often anxiety takes center stage and it feels overwhelming, so it’s hard to pay attention to the rest of your feelings.There is (often self-imposed) pressure to be witty, pressure to keep the conversation going, pressure to ask questions, pressure to make fun plans, pressure to look good, pressure to show your best self. Imagine taking all of the pressure you feel, and giving half of it to them.All of that worry can weigh you down, and prevent you from really being yourself on dates. Rather than focus on having such high expectations of yourself, pay attention to getting to know them, learning how they respond to your interests and questions, and seeing if they are someone you are interested in getting to know more.If you don’t have a good or positive experience to build on, go in with no expectations.“The biggest thing that I see causing dating anxiety in clients is expectation — expecting that someone will be like an ex, that great one that got away or in the alternative, that the new person that your are meeting will be like that one that you were glad to get away from,” Jeanie Winstrom, Couples Expert at Talkspace tells Bustle.“Look at the entire dating experience as a way to meet new people. “It is simply one human being, getting to know another human being and figuring out if there is a connection or not.