That’s usually when they’ll come to me looking for answers. First, I can tell you right off the bat that he’s not a “commitment-phobe.” That term was invented by some psychologist to diagnose .0001% of the population for a very specific, extreme condition. Most likely scenario: The placeholder relationship. Once a guy starts leaning on a girl emotionally, he starts becoming attached to her on an emotional level.However, as with nearly every psychological diagnosis, it gets slapped on , and on and on and on. Now the girl who he only intended to keep around to keep from being lonely becomes this pseudo-girlfriend.
After all, he doesn’t want to lose his emotional crutch/sexual outlet security blanket – then he’d be not only emotionally weakened, but also alone. If you’re the guy, this isn’t such a bad situation since he was able to enjoy a cozy comfortable pseudo-relationship in between. But if you’ve spent the majority of your free time with a guy for the last couple of months – you eat together, sleep together and support each other emotionally – and he’s making no effort to lock you down…Said simply, both sides will do things to entrench the other side exactly where they’re at. Moreover, he can always say, “Well, we were never in an official relationship. then you’re in a “placeholder relationship.” To be honest, there’s nothing wrong with that IF both sides are on the same page.Get a support system of great friends around you who support you and make you feel appreciated.Take up some exercise and sweat out your frustrations for a month (getting fit in the process will just be a bonus! The sooner you derive happiness and fulfilment from new sources, the sooner you’ll be able to emotionally disconnect from your relationship with this guy.The girl will make sure that he’s as emotionally dependent on him as she can get him to be.
In these arrangements, you’ll notice that when one side starts to stray, the other side will undermine them.
And yes, you then need to start going on dates again.
You don’t have to take it much further than a casual coffee or two, but it’s just great to remind yourself that you can connect with other guys, and it let’s your heart know that you’re moving forward in your romantic life.
If the guy starts getting himself together, the girl will find some way to subtly undermine his progress – usually through comfort, but sometimes through less pleasant means.
If the girl starts to give up on him, he’ll find some way to subtly give her hope for some kind of future. What usually ends up happening is that sooner or later, the “better thing” the guy was waiting for appears and the moment it does, he disappears. I don’t know if it was Hollywood movies, music, TV, an ever-increasing sense of entitlement, a decline in social perceptiveness across the populous… If you’re seeing a guy for a few weeks, everything is up in the air – just relax and let things run their course without being worried.
It’s subconscious in most cases, but I’ve seen it play out enough times that it’s prevalent in these situations.