My heart is having second thoughts and wondering if I should have been open to the consideration of getting to know him better while being open to meeting others? I’ve dated a good amount of men, and on many levels he seemed wonderful.
The “dating other people” bit threw me for a loop and hoping you might share your thoughts.
In essence, your guy has become his mom's pseudo-husband, and consciously or unconsciously, he likes the importance of this role.Of course, this makes it hard for him to commit to another woman -- namely, you.Q: What's the difference between a man having a "healthy" attachment to his mother and an "unhealthy" one? Mandel: While you might find it odd that he's calling or even visiting his mother daily, the frequency of contact a guy has with his mom doesn't determine how healthy or unhealthy his attachment is to her. If both mom and son have mutual respect for one another and have set good boundaries with each other (if he's able to say "Thanks but no thanks for the new underwear you bought me, Ma.I am 34, you know...", for example), their talking everyday may not be something worth your concern.Why should he settle down with a woman who can only give him one night a week when he can have a girlfriend who can give him three or four nights? And if either of you are raising young ones, they’re a lot more all-consuming than if you’ve got high-schoolers who can largely take care of themselves.
These circumstances will dictate a lot, whether you like it or not. He’s just a placeholder for all men that you’re going to encounter as a single mom. Ultimately, he’ll find the childless girlfriend who can give him more time. If EVERY guy feels that you don’t have enough time for him between work, kids, hobbies, friends, family and your “active” social life, then yes, maybe you need to make a few cutbacks. Do you really only have one night a week to spend time with someone?Granted, he's not grabbing any scissors, but what if she's the driving force? Mandel: When this is the case, it's better for you to gently coax him to start setting some boundaries with mom.For instance, say to him, "How about if we join her for Chinese one Sunday per month as opposed to every one?You may find another single Dad who understands your one night a week situation, as Evan suggested, but I think your prospects are better if you can find a way to give more time to another person.Puzzled as to why when he's around his mother, your man acts more like a boy? D., author of "Dump That Chump: From Doormat to Diva in Only Nine Steps-- A Guide to Getting Over Mr. Mandel: Guys who have always been coddled and indulged by their moms often become "mama's boys." Moms who do this tend to be fairly needy (especially when it comes to male attention) and therefore seek to create a relationship in which someone will be very dependent upon her.If he still takes his laundry over to mom to have her do it, or has her cook weekly meals for him (and he doesn't have the flu), run!