I’ve found in my clinical work with singles and couples that there are a few red flags that are more serious – or redder, if you will – than others. There’s no need to expand any further – you’ll know it when you see it, and you have to kick that date to the curb right away.If you break into a mild sweat as you read the list below, it can’t mean something good! There’s no question that dating can be stressful and intimidating, and that a little alcohol can help grease the wheels and put you at ease. Don’t overthink it – just do it and thank me for it later. Saying “yes” to an invitation for a date does not grant your date a VIP pass to your most private thoughts and feelings.I believe completely in the possibility for someone to change, but jealousy is one of the harder traits to treat and it takes a long time in therapy (often a couple years or more) for the jealous individual to understand what causes the jealousy and to learn how to let it go. Ever notice a pillow propped up on a couch that has a nifty little proverb stitched or needlepointed on it?
Before becoming involved with them, it is important to sit down and have a good long talk about what those triggers might be, based on their past experiences and on the insights they have gained during their counseling sessions and during their time in AA or NA.
With good communication about this topic, the partner of someone in recovery can do a lot to keep the process on track – while protecting themselves at the same time.
When someone speaks badly about an ex so soon with someone new, it’s a clear sign that he or she is still bitter and angry.
Starting a new relationship while you still feel bitter about your ex is like a carrying a suitcase of gasoline into the new relationship.
A new relationship that is overloaded with negativity too soon will inevitably crash and burn. Believe it or not, jealous lovers are obvious from the start.
If you’re on a date with someone who has a jealous streak, you can identify that streak by looking for the following signs: asking too many questions about your past relationships; asking too many questions about the type of person you’re attracted to; tracking your eyes when you’re out and following them to see who you’re looking at; and asking you questions that seem too specific about who you socialize with on any given occasion.
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Actually, what really happens is that the warning signs are noted but are then swept under the rug in an anxious plea to block out the negative and only see the positive.
If you are on a date with someone who acts rudely to wait staff, cashiers, or others, don’t set off on a sermon about how to treat people – save your energy for someone better.
So there really is no hard and fast rule here – but there are some things you should think about before getting more deeply involved with someone in recovery.