The one that seems to stick out the most is when people tell us not to get into any relationships our first year of sobriety.If you’re like me, some of these suggestions seem silly, and it was hard for me to take suggestions from others in early sobriety, but the one about relationships carries quite a bit of weight.I realized that I sometimes have impossible expectations for people, places and things, which lead me to being hurt.
Still, I didn’t get into a relationship until my second year of sobriety.Ever since freshman year of high school, I always had a girlfriend.If I were to get into a bad relationship and fall head-over-heels in love like I always do, it may be a quick path to relapse, which could potentially kill me.Something that was made very apparent to me is that us addicts are extremely selfish, self-centered and self seeking.I want to share with you all some of my experience as well as my point of view on the subject.
I’ll start by letting you know this, when I asked my sponsor about not dating my first year of sobriety, he looked me in the eyes and said, “Well, it doesn’t say that anywhere in the Big Book.” So, my sponsor who is a Big Book thumper was telling me that although people suggest it, there’s nothing in the program of recovery that’s outlined in the Big Book that says otherwise.
We had this void within us that we couldn’t explain, so we’d try to fill it with drugs and alcohol.
All of my loneliness, insecurities and sadness could be suppressed with my abuse of mind-altering substances, but they eventually stopped working.
I was unable to realize that I was causing my own problems.
In early sobriety, when our head begins to clear, we start to realize that we were playing the cover-up game with drugs and alcohol.
As with my moment of clarity about drugs and alcohol, I had to sit back and think about what else I was using to fill this void, and the answer was women. Dating someone made me feel loved, wanted and cared for.