In this illusionary world where we tippy-tap away with strangers, possibly for quite some time before we meet face-to-face, we do also have to pose the question: Is it ghosting if we haven’t met the person? This way, we don’t over-promise, under-deliver and then excuse ourselves from ending things decently on the basis that the person is a stranger and that we’re not dating. Sure, we can avoid dating altogether but what would be the point?Certainly in terms of romantic liaisons, it’s got to be a no. We cannot control the uncontrollable or guarantee a decent ending but who we date in the first place lends the situation to being disappeared on.I hear from folks who didn’t hear back from a prospective date from Plenty of Fish or whatever, who they exchanged a few messages with and it seemed as if they had “so much in common”. If we feel that someone we haven’t met but who we felt interested in based on a profile or exchange of messages has ‘disappeared’, it is time for us to step back and be honest with ourselves about what is really going on because emotional responsibility dictates that we need to do our due diligence before we get emotionally invested and we have a duty of care to remain grounded. And we (and they) have to be adult enough to respect our own and their position. Conflict avoidant people who we have often convinced ourselves that things are ‘perfect’ and dismissed code amber and red alerts, are big time ghosters.
It’s highly likely if you’ve been around the dating block a few times, that you’ve ghosted–I know I have.
The pleaser in me felt as if I ‘should’ reciprocate interest but I didn’t want to.
It’s never been easier to be emotionally unavailable via maintaining all sorts of distant communication, and the fact that we have these options mean that those of us who feel the rejection particularly hard, can be inclined to keep up loose connections rather than face endings which means that if someone doesn’t respond, it messes with the picture in our head and activates an old wound.
Because they’re Mr/Miss Good Time so they’d rather give us a great time in the moment so that they feel OK about what they do next—disappear.
Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate. It came as quite a surprise as everything was going very well! The night/morning that this happened we were having a blast together. I felt as though we were finally making progress and that perhaps his fears were finally starting to subside. We had a friend over who left at about Monday, and then another one came over at about 2 am.
He has emptied out a couple of drawers for my use at his place, I had a key to come and goes as I please.. We all stayed up until 5 am playing pool and chit chatting etc.
Back in olden times, it was understood that if we didn’t hear back after a first or early date, it was a no-go.
If they didn’t call after one-nighter or fling, although we’d likely feel a bit hurt and disappointed (especially if they were giving it the big talk while we were shagging our brains out), we’d still get the gist–it’s a no-go.
Ghosting is especially rife in the early stages of dating because in a time where someone might juggle multiple contacts due to apps and websites, or where their heads are easily turned due to a plenty of fish in the sea mentality, some argue that surely they can’t be expected to break up with or at least give a heads-up to each person they date. And actually, it’s also fair to say that not everyone wants to hear back from every date that doesn’t work out.
A lot of the time, we can work things out for ourselves (if we were present rather than auditioning on the date).
After that I vowed not to dodge texts and calls and I stuck to it, even when he was a Mr Persistent.