Christian advice on dating a widower

My mom didn’t even think of meeting another man until about 3 years after my father passed away. How could you be anything BUT a rebound following a long-term marriage?

But this is the norm for widowers –for one of two reasons: either the marriage itself wasn’t that healthy and he was immediately ready to move on, OR, like men of a certain age, he put everything had into his marriage and nothing into any other relationships. As such, you are presumably the first woman he’s been with for many years.

In your book, you said that if a guy isn’t seeing you more than once a week by the 3 months point, he probably isn’t interested in a serious relationship.

I want to see more of him at this point (3 months,) especially on Saturday nights.

I made that need known last weekend in a calm, rational way.

While we had never met each other’s families, Gary and I had been friends since seminary in the 1960s. The series called “Prepare/Enrich” is highly recommended. That is, learn all you can about their backgrounds, their achievements and disappointments, their heartaches and greatest joys. As you are able, visit the places each of you grew up. A pre-nup will help you to find a way to merge your assets so you can live this new life you are entering, while leaving your estate intact so your heirs can inherit. We quickly learned why some senior couples decide to forego all that and just move in together!

Bertha and I met for the first time on February 15, 2016. We have replied, “We don’t have time to make a mistake. (And tell them why you do.) But he is not trying to be your grandfather. Only a few weeks into our budding relationship, Bertha and I scheduled an appointment with a marriage counselor. Meet old friends for lunch; see each other through their eyes. At some point, spend time talking about sexual expectations. A prenuptial agreement may ease the fears and concerns of adult children who worry about being left out in the cold. We don’t recommend that approach, but we have a better understanding of it. Don’t be afraid to back out if you decide a) this is not God’s will or b) it’s not right.

He says he has always taken it slow in dating and this is nothing new.

I want to be sure that I am getting my needs met and that I’m not just a “rebound” for him. Dear Karen, One thing I know about widowers, followed by two things I know about men.Christians desperately need to recover a way of seeing the single life as valid on its own terms, and not simply as a holding tank.Though never-marrieds are made to feel like failures, that would hardly be history's judgment of their great example, the apostle Paul.Bertha and I were married to our spouses–Gary and Margaret–for some 52 years each. This is a biggie, and here’s why: You each have assets such as a home, perhaps a retirement account, life insurance, and cars. We had to start the process of decluttering, going through the collection of many years and deciding what to keep, what to give away, and what to toss. We had to figure how to blend our furniture (and we’re still working on this! Moving to a new state for me (Joe) meant I had to change everything.The Lord took Gary to Heaven in May 2014 and He took Margaret in January 2015. Make sure you value the things that matter most in life. Decide what you will do about membership and participation after marriage. Your children expect to inherit these things some day. After all, if your situation was like ours, merging your lives is going to be the biggest assignment life has handed you in many years. Getting a new name and address (Bertha) likewise required a long list of people to call, companies to notify, and government agencies to inform.We were married on January 11, 2017 after 11 months of visits (we lived 200 miles apart), phone calls, texts, letters, and all the usual stuff. So, we will take our own good time about this.” Better a few years well-founded than to rush into a marriage ill-prepared, poorly thought-out, for which no plans have been made. People will say, “You’re marrying each other’s family.” Well, that was more true when you were 22 than a half-century later. We wanted an objective outsider to take a look at what we were doing and advise us on areas we might be overlooking. In fact, it would be good to establish this before you meet the special person. Is this marriage about companionship only, or do you want it to be as physical and romantic as the first time? Prenuptials are not only for rich people, to protect assets of the billionaire in case of divorce. If you cannot see yourself married to that person for the rest of your life, and that means sharing with him/her in the most intimate of ways, it’s time to reconsider.