Her heightened sense of emotions and difficulty to soothe herself leads to major drama even when a partner is willing to stay and work with her to overcome the challenges.Many individuals with BPD have a history of brief and intensive relationships that ended prematurely and badly. Quite often the healthy partner leaves (or runs); he can’t deal with the emotional outbursts and relational roller coaster.
The repertoire generally includes parasuicidal gestures – none life-threatening surface wrist, ankle and upper thigh cutting – or suicide threats that scare a person who never dealt with somebody who is unable to regulate her emotions. How can I fix it.” Well the answer is easy, “You can’t fix it!These behaviors are sometimes perceived as manipulative: To get attention and one’s needs met – “I need you here; you can’t leave; I show you why.” Scared and emotionally drained partners generally seek advice on how to get out; others are still confused about their partner’s behavior. ” When the partner with BPD travels the roller-coaster of emotions (it’s a habit and due to the lack of coping skills not because it feels good) the healthier partner feels overwhelmed and describes his situation as being “stuck between a rock and a hard place;” feeling bad and responsible hence unable to leave her, he states his partner gets “incredibly angry and sometimes physically and verbally abusive.” What follows is a pattern of submissive, self-loathing behaviors.Remember you cannot make somebody happy – happiness is an inside job! My German grandmother used to say, “ Hope is the last to die.” Yes, certainly there is always hope yet – baseline behavior aka normalcy as you and experience it is a long hike away for people with BPD.This contributes to the feeling of being emotionally drained in a partnership. The good news is that once in our thirties our energy level decreases naturally and hence even individuals with BPD will have less vigor at their disposal.It’s overboard across the map: When it’s good it’s great – but when it’s bad it’s really bad.
There is no middle ground when standing at the borderline.
I always ask my clients “What’s your partner’s most valuable asset – other than her portfolio?
” The correct answer is “consistency” – and consistent is what people with a history of BPD are not.
Nevertheless the healthy mate wonders, “Why are we on these constant roller coaster rides?
” Sooner rather than later he starts to resent walking on eggshells around his lover.
Jennifer Harry's goal is to help as many people as she possibly can by offering insights into other people relationships, looking at personality, horoscopes and Tarot.