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No one forces you to take responsibility for your AS-partner’s social behavior, tantrums or lack of oversight.
Your spouse´s developmental disorder is not your fault. You are however, responsible for yourself and your children. A relationship between an NT spouse and an AS partner will always have the essence of an adult-child relationship.
It may be helpful to talk to a skilled therapist who supports you in understanding your feelings and choices. If the therapist is not a specialist in NT-AS relationships and in Ongoing Traumatic Relationship Syndrome (OTRS), the therapist can make things worse.
Several NT-spouses recount sadly that their therapist advised them to take even more responsibility for the AS-partner’s behavior and comprehension.
Drop any hope of reaching a common understanding from conversation and discussion.